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I've got a little list
by Chris Blenkarn
(After The Mikado, by Gilbert and Sullivan)
Duet; Avon and Vila
As some day it may happen, that justice we will see
I've made a little list, of people who persist
In playing lethal games of chess or pointing guns at me
And who never would be missed, who never would be missed
There's those nasty hitech hunters and those speed-obsessed space rats
And Space Command's pet crimos and High Council plutocrats
And ballast tank designers who have never had to try
To clean the bloody things themselves, I'd like to make them cry
And stroppy rats-in-boxes and our systems analyst
I'm sure they'd not be missed, I'm sure they'd not be missed.
Let us add our fifth grade ignorant and our fearless leader too
They never would desist, so both are on my list
And our curly-headed pilot, let them live on mangon stew
A dish they'd not resist, on that I shall insist
And predatory Seska who toss keyboards through the air
Old girlfriends, and priestesses, and all women with strange hair
And teleport bracelet-makers who could not devise a clasp
And whoever put the force wall switch beyond the pilot's grasp
And renegade space commanders and all psychostrategists
I don't think they'd be missed, more likely they'd be hissed.
And horrible hairy aliens and homicidal sand
And a leather fetishist, look here's one on my list
An idiot good for nothing but a little sleight of hand
Who's invariably pissed, so he never would be missed.
Oh yeh? So who removed the Amagon collar from your neck?
And opened magnolocks and rescued Orac from the wreck?
Oh very well! Shall we just put the blame where it belongs
Upon pernicious writers who produce these silly songs
The feeble-witted parodists who drive us round the twist
They'd none of them be missed, they'd none of them be missed.
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