Orac's Song

After "My friend you may take it from me - blow your own trumpet," from Ruddigore by Gilbert and Sullivan

Solo: Orac and chorus of crew

Orac:

I really must protest at this!
All these buffets and bashes and jolts!
I've been flung on the deck
And my cells are a wreck
I shall end as a bucket of bolts.
The calm of Aristo I miss
'Twas paradise personified
Where implosions atomic
Weren't used for crew frolic
Nor love of speed chess gratified.

Chorus:

He's more brainy than you can conceive
Every fact known to man he'll retrieve
Ever patient and gracious
And seldom loquacious
Renowned for his great joie de vivre.

Orac:

Your questions are often futile
Your objectives are rarely distinct
How I yearn for retirement
When each fresh requirement
Compels me to snap, be succinct!
When I tell you the plan is facile
It is merely a statement of fact
It strong language provokes
There's no pleasing some folks
But my vast self esteem stays intact

Chorus:

He's more brainy than you can conceive
Every fact known to man he'll retrieve
Ever patient and gracious
And seldom loquacious
Renowned for his great joie de vivre.

Orac:

Every time that some trivial affair
Should demand my attention so sage
I'll say "what is it now?"
Then we'll have a big row
Before I will my circuits engage.
Then back to research I'll repair
If Avon remembers my key
Tho' somewhat irascible
His intellect's passable
And both of us scorn corps d'esprit.

Chorus:

He's more brainy than you can conceive
Every fact known to man he'll retrieve
Ever patient and gracious
And seldom loquacious
Renowned for his great joie de vivre.

Orac:

On that shuttle 'twas Vila or me
My dispatch would've been a bad move
I had to think fast
Or the die would be cast
Of my logic I'm sure you approve
Come in now, number seventy-three
It appears that your number is up
No person of sense
Surely could take offence
At this petty storm in a teacup

Chorus:

He's more wily than we had conceived
Over colleagues' distress he's not grieved
A nosey curmudgeon
In constant high dudgeon
From Gauda he'll not be retrieved.

Blake's 7 Index