This filk is on the tape Some Dreams Are Worth Having
by Judith Proctor
tune: Whisky, You're my Darling
I started picking pockets, when I was just a lad,
They put me in detention, and told me I was bad,
I nicked my teacher's wrist watch, which really made him mad,
I'll always be a thief, drunk or sober.
When I was a teenager, I learnt to pick a lock,
One day I picked the wrong one, they stuck me in the dock,
Three years transportation, out upon a rock,
I'll always be a thief, drunk or sober.
When I'd just turned twenty, a friend thought he'd turn fink,
The cops caught me red-handed, and threw me in the clink,
Histories like this one, can turn a man to drink,
I'll always be a thief, drunk or sober.
A shrink came in to tackle me, while I was in the pen,
He said I was a hard case, but not beyond his ken,
He claimed that he could fix me, so I'd never steal again,
I'll always be a thief, drunk or sober.
He put me under flashing lights, messing with my brain,
He said I wouldn't feel it, but all I felt was pain,
He said I'd now be normal, but I call that insane,
I'll always be a thief, drunk or sober.
They let me out, they set me free - albeit on parole,
To go and join the millions, living on the dole,
I don't call that living, so I went out and stole,
I'll always be a thief, drunk or sober.
I hid in delta warrens, too many years to tell,
Life inside that city, was something close to hell,
I hung on, surviving, stealing things to sell,
I'll always be a thief, drunk or sober.
They caught up with me finally, when I was short of dough,
I knew I'd get life this time, they'd never let me go,
I got sent to Cygnus Alpha, the rest I think you know,
I'll always be a thief, drunk or sober.