Episode Guide?

By Chris Blenkarn...

This is a totally tongue in cheek episode guide, inspired by TV listing magazines that somehow manage to tell you something truthful about an episode, whilst being completely misleading.

The Way Back A former rebel meets an old friend and makes some new ones.
Space Fall Avon is incensed, Blake gets angry, Nova's practically foaming at the mouth. Sadly, Vila is confused.
Cygnus Alpha Jenna and Avon get some new clothes, and Vila reveals a knowledge of architecture. Gan dotes on a priestess; the prisoners need an antidote.
Time Squad Gan reveals his limitations to Jenna. The rest of the crew make a new friend when they seek for their quarry, and Vila learns something new about plants.
The Web Blake meets the little people.
Seek-locate-destroy Cally mislays her bracelet, and Blake pulls a fast one on a disfigured old acquaintance.
Mission to Destiny Avon rather enjoys himself playing Poirot, with Cally to help with his probes. Blake diversifies into agronomy and it's a bumpy ride for Liberator.
Duel Travis shows a friend how to build a tree house. Blake and Jenna enjoy a quiet night in the country. The crew watch with the help of a mysterious old lady.
Project Avalon When Servalan has a cunning plan to plague the life out of Blake and co., it's Travis who saves everyone from instant death.
Breakdown Gan gets a really bad headache so Blake calls a doctor. A surgeon tries to pull Cally and Jenna, and Vila pulls a gun on the surgeons. Wait for the big bang.
Bounty Blake and Cally go climbing, and get taken for a ride. So do the others, when Jenna's friend gets everyone hot under the collar; luckily Vila is one of them.
Deliverance An old doctor friend of Travis comes to grief, and a priestess dotes on Avon. Meanwhile Jenna and Cally are prisoners.
Orac Zen gets a new and very special friend! Servalan and Travis go underground, and Blake and Cally go beach-combing, on a sad day for aquarium fish.
Redemption Avon finds himself alone in a cell with Jenna then attacks Vila. Orac refuses to help.
Shadow Blake contemplates big time crime and Jenna knows just the man to ask. Cally, who has not been feeling quite herself, is cheered up by her new pet.
Weapon Servalan acquires the services of a stylish blond chess expert. It's time for Blake to take a clear look at himself.
Horizon Avon who is busy doing calculations while his colleagues take up careers in mining. Ethnic feathers are in fashion, but only the Kommissar gets the point.
Pressure Point The men go sprinting as Servalan meets an old friend. It's Jenna to the rescue but when Travis throws a spanner in the works it's Gan who holds things up.
Trial Blake gets a planet all to himself and then helps Travis escape from custody.
Killer Avon and Vila meet a locust connoisseur while hunting for crystals and get a sandwich. Cally has a bad feeling about an old pickle barrel so Blake contacts a doctor.
Hostage Travis is dead - and that's official. Vila is grabbed by Blake's uncle. Avon is acting suspiciously; who will be caught in the net?
Countdown Avon meets an old friend and nearly catches his death of cold, and all because Blake is looking for a doctor.
Voice from the Past Blake is acting strangely with Vila's help, and makes an ally of the Federation Arbiter general; should he see a doctor? And just who is this invisible man?
Gambit Blake takes Cally and Jenna for a night out at the rink. Avon and Vila also take the evening off and Orac is left feeling small, with hilarious results.
Tents of Goth Jenna gets engaged, Vila plays the fool. Life is cheap to Gola and Blake is going for a thong.
Star One Blake follows his star, and helps Servalan get the presidency. Meanwhile Travis's head is in a whirl, and it's all down to Avon.
Aftermath Avon recruits a weaponry expert on the beach, and together they rescue Servalan.
Powerplay Vila and Cally are going spare on Chenga while something or someone is killing the people on Liberator. Meanwhile, Avon takes a wife.
Volcano Avon decides to visit a planet where advanced behavioural psychology is alledgedly practised. Infanticide, too. Is it a suitable base?
Dawn of the Gods A Black Hole with a difference, and a fairy tale romance for Cally.
Harvest of Kairos Tarrant's training comes in handy when Servalan is wowed by machismo and Avon is absorbed in a rock.
Children of Auron Servalan's feeling broody, and Avon helps make 5,000 babies.
Rumours of Death Avon meets his match and Servalan has her back to the wall.
City at the Edge of Forever Vila meets a real Babe and is cast into transports.
Ultraworld Avon and Cally help to gather information, Dayna and Tarrant are asked to demonstrate an ancient ritual and Orac gets interested in gherkins.
Sarcophagus And now for something completely different.
Moloch Servalan's ship disappears in uncharted space, Vila and Tarrant hitch a lift on a passing troop carrier. They fall out, then Vila gets an offer he can't refuse.
Death watch The crew enjoy a rare weekend break and Tarrant joins in the fun and games. Meanwhile Avon visits a sick friend.
Terminal Avon is incommunicado on the flight deck - what's eating him? More importantly, what's eating the Flight Deck?
Rescue There's somethin' narsty in the woodshed, where a depleted crew meet a mysterious stranger who needs to build up his strength.
Power The crew meet three ladies in distress who are interested in hydroponics; will Avon be bowled over?
Traitor A Davros lookalike has a new secret weapon, but his Nemesis lurks in high heels in the woods.
Stardrive When Scorpio collides with an asteroid, the crew have to take up biking. An old teacher of Vila and Dayna makes the connection just too late.
Animals Dayna meets a child-hood admirer who now raises rare breeds. She makes a new friend but they have problems communicating.
Headhunter Avon shows his compassionate side and Orac looks like getting a soulmate, but who will lose his head?
Assassin Avon investigates the slave trade and vegetarian cookery. Servalan gets crabby as Tarrant falls for a dancer.
Games Avon gets interested in a new sort of crystal, while Vila defeats a computer defence system.
Sand Tarrant and Servalan's relationship becomes stormy. Meanwhile, Vila is dangerously ill and it's Dayna's fault.
Gold Avon gets interested in a new sort of gold, and plays the black market. Tarrant and Dayna go cruising.
Orbit Resistance is useless, but Avon saves the day when he stubs his toe. Vila decides to go on a diet.
Warlord A tale of love, duty and paternal obligations. The good news is, Star Trek ONG hairstyling is alive and kicking, up to a point, anyway.
Blake As the poet nearly said:
This is the way the series ends
This is the way the series ends
With a bang
But not a whimper....
(Except from the audience)

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Last changed on 07th of June 1999